I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
