Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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