I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
