Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
