well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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