I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it glows. i had to have it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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