Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
3pm strippers are depressing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
