i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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