We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize