So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
