It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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