She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
