96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
