found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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