I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
