your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Randomize
