the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
