id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
