Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
