You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
