Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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