Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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