How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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