worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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