I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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