a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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