I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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