if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
