apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
