He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
