can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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