I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
