My underwear smells like fireworks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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