cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
