remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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