Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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