I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
