Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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