There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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