Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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