So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
