Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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