So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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