The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
