Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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