atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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