why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
