she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
