I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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