its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
