I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
