Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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