made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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