first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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