Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
