How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize