it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
