your room smells of hookers.
And success
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
