Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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