it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
