Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
