Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
