You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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