dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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