I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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