I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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