so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
