I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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