Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
