Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
