I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
