it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
